*This post contains affiliate links. If you decide to purchase one of these products off Amazon from the links below, I will receive a portion of the proceeds, although you will not pay more.*
First off, I am so sorry that you are here needing to read this post. Loss is devastating and rocks you to your very core. This will be focused on those who have had a miscarriage, stillbirth, or young child, but can be applied to anyone.
So many people just don’t know what to do after a loss so they do the worst thing: nothing. Seriously, do not act like nothing happened. Nor should you just disappear because you are uncomfortable. Believe me, this is the most damaging to the victims. Think about it, you are basically saying your reality is too much for me to handle so I am just going to avoid you and that topic. It is so very isolating. Please do not be this person. It is brutal.
Ok, if you have made the decision to do something. Thank you. Follow your heart. Have you heard of the 5 love languages? A great book and definitely worth the read!
Follow your love language. The biggest thing is that you are doing something! It will be appreciated.
Service: my friend, you will be such a blessing to those who are hurting! You can help with their very basic needs. Can you provide a meal? Maybe you don’t mind cleaning a house or doing laundry. Do they need babysitting or perhaps groceries? These are all extremely important to the one who is grieving. Provide from the heart and it will be balm for the wounded heart.
Words of affirmation: Words can provide so much healing to those who are grieving. Write a note expressing your sympathy, reminding them of your love for them, but most importantly, acknowledging their loss. Do not try and solve the problem or push them to see the silver lining. Let them have their space to grieve. If you are unsure what to say, check out this book, “What Grieving People Wish You Knew about What Really Helps (and What Really Hurts)”
Touch: Ahh, just hold and hug! Don’t be afraid of their grief but show them that they are not a leper, they are not contaminated or contagious but still a human. I felt often like others thought I was a wounded animal. Please touch the grieving with love. One note: probably ask first though since some people do not like being touched. I deeply desired touch though as I processed my grief.
Quality time: bless you, my friend! Just sit with the one who is hurting! They may cry. They may want to talk about it. Or they may just want a break from the grief. Come in with no expectations and try not to project your feelings and expectations onto the grieving. This is about providing for them, so follow their lead and you will bless them. If you are still not sure what to say, “I am so sorry” is the best thing. Less is definitely more during these times. If you want even more guidance, “What Grieving People Wish You Knew about What Really Helps (and What Really Hurts)” is a great guide (See above for link).
Gifts: where do I begin with the blessings you can provide? Jewelry, flowers, figurines, books, blanket, self-care items, etc. They all help in different ways. Here are a few different products to consider. Remember, give from the heart.
I can tell you that everyone who saw us through the early stages of grief helped in different ways. We felt loved and felt space was provided for our healing. So, dear friend, I am sorry, once more, that you needed to read this, but know that you are blessing those who grieve so much by acknowledging their loss and doing something. Bless you!